Bishop Allen - Grr...

"Recorded and mixed by the excellent Bryce Goggin, Grrr... sounds immaculate: The guitars are sharp. The drums are steady. The harmonies are supple. Its various strings, shakers, and horns captured and layered into a well-spaced, easily listenable whole. After a spin or three, a handful of Grrr...'s 13 tracks should stick, too, whether it's the vibraphone-abetted "The Lion & the Teacup" or the squiggling, lustful plunder-like-pirates number, "Shanghaied". And maybe being swept up by a hook or two is enough, but much like the politely irritated word it takes for its name, the too-pleasant Grrr... concedes to middle-of-the-road safety, hoping to offend no one and, in the process, says absolutely nothing."


Hey everyone, let's fault an artist for being the sonic equivalent of our website!
Looks great, sounds great, yet still manages to say nothing.

Can't good music just be good?

JUST SAY NO.

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/news/149547-pitchforktv-teams-up-with-npr-music

DON'T DO IT NPR, WHATEVER THEY PROMISED YOU, IT'S NOT WORTH IT!


(Really, I shouldn't be surprised - The host of All Songs Considered is so excruciatingly irritating that I had to stop listening, regardless of the content. Seriously, how can you ruin a chat with Jens Lekman? How is that even POSSIBLE?)

Pitchfork and Metal

Pitchforkmedia has a complicated relationship with metal. Okay, it really isn't that complicated at all - any metal band that can be labelled as "art-metal", "avante-garde", or is well-known but just out of the mainstream...any band like that is Pitchfork's best friend. Pitchfork loves bands like Neurosis, High on Fire, Opeth, but above all they love Mastodon.
There are two issues I'd like to raise about Pitchfork's love of Mastodon.
1.) I am pretty sure Pitchfork only loves Mastodon because they (Mastodon) are somewhat-respected in the metal community for a number of reason, but not entirely accepted because, despite their brilliance, they are still pretty sloppy musicians. This is perfect for Pitchfork to latch on to because A.) Bands Pitchfork love are usually sloppy musicians, and B.) This allows the writers of Pitchfork to feel superior to all the metalheads because then they can say things like, "Oh, I love metal, I really like Mastodon, but not a lot of people really know how talented they are. But I do, I see what they are doing."
2.) I am convinced Pitchfork thinks that Mastodon is made-up entirely by drummer Brann Dailor because he is the only member they ever mention. And that just goes to show how much Pitchfork really knows about metal.

The Pains of Being Part of a Subculture

"This new Slumberland band will be bracketed with other lo-fi/noise-pop peers, but they have songs that will appeal beyond the confines of subcultures: Anyone with a weakness for trebly, melancholy pop music will find a lot to like about this record."

Question - Who out side of a particular subculture (ie - the Pitchfork/hipster/elitist subculture) has "a weakness for trebly, melancholy pop music"? I think that if I went up to most anyone not sporting a tote-bag/a shirt about saving the environment and asked them, "Do you have a weakness for trebly, melancholy pop music?" They would look at me blankly/think that I am some kind of hipster scum.

Also - trebly? Really guys...trebly?

Dark Was the Night

"When focusing on what's not here rather than what is, Dark Was the Night comes off as a gray, monotone look at the current indie landscape and, as a result, works best in small batches."


This is why, when reviewing a record, YOU GENERALLY FOCUS ON THE RECORD ITSELF, instead of bitching about the lack of electronic music. This review felt like an over-extended English101 paper written by a freshman, coming up short on the word limit and padding his essay with pointless blathering.

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/record_review/149390-various-artists-dark-was-the-night

Jean on Jean

Jean on Jean is defined as - "a collection of strummy bedroom chamber-pop."

Pitchfork Media is defined as - "a collection of dilettantes whose elitist sensibilities are so far out of hand that they don't even try to make believable sounding genres anymore."

Bedroom chamber-pop? C'mon guys...you can do better than that.

...And You Will Know Us By Our Trail of Incongruous Sentences

"Having departed Interscope, and now far enough under the radar to avoid the BS of backlash for backlash's sake, Trail of Dead are in their best position in years to resuscitate their image."


Lucky for them, P-Fork is always happy to offer backlash for other reasons.
Much like a Henry James novel or the ramblings of my senile grandfather, not even repeated readings can shed any light on the meaning, standard, or point of Ian Cohen's review.

Azita - How Will You

"As a Steely Dan fan, I found the past two Drag City albums by Chicago singer-songwriter Azita intriguing. Startling, too-- at least considering her background in the Fall-meets-Melt-Banana noise-punk group Scissor Girls and the no-wavey Bride of No No, who were about as far from the pristine smoothness of Aja as you could get."

Number of Sentences: 2
Number of Bands Referenced: 5
Amount of Sense Made: NONE